Nostalgia!

 

Who bring up children better – working mothers or stay at home moms?

The mother in a woman whether she is working or stay at home is just the same. A mother’s love is selfless, she would go any length to protect and nurture her child. It’s the way Almighty fashioned her. Once she becomes a mother, the woman changes forever! Motherhood brings perspective she didn’t have earlier. The focus shifts, priorities change and she begins to realise her limitless zeal and capacity when it comes to her child. She will bend and stretch to any length to make her child comfortable and looked after. Even if it comes at the cost of her own sanity. She can’t help it. The motherhood juices flowing in her veins by now make her incapable of thinking about herself before her kids. 

All said and done. It still takes a village to raise a child and it is not the sole responsibility of a mother to single handedly take up this humongous task. But many women do it any way, with help or without it. A few women are lucky enough to have that support system, and I use the word “few” because there really is a dearth of such support. If the immediate family and helpers are there to ease her task then she can manage work as well as home in a very efficient manner without having to compromise on her career. But when this support system is missing, she has to take tough decisions of choosing children over her career. Even if she is a stay at home mom, she still needs that support system to help her raise the kids. So working or not – a mother’s task is never easy. 

Now, the question comes that do all women who stay at home focus on their children’s upbringing? Is the stay at home mom better than the working mom? The answer is no. Staying at home doesn’t guarantee good upbringing skills. It depends on how educated the mother is, how she has been brought up, how sound is her mental and physical health, how good she’s being looked after! If she is a happy and content person, she will create a conducive environment for upbringing her children. A troubled mother, whether the reason for her troubles is work place pressure or family and home problems, is never going to be able to impart good upbringing. 

A stay at home mother does have the advantage of being there for her child 24x7, which is impossible for even the most efficient working moms. This is a very crucial factor in the learning years of a child, especially when the child starts interacting and expressing itself. The child’s need for a mother is never ending and her presence makes the child feel secured and this helps in building the confidence and all the skills that the child learns as it grows. No one in the world can compare/compete to a mother’s patience with a child. Be it a father or a grandparent or a nanny, no one is going to encourage the child and be as patient with it as a mother can. Although the child will grow up just fine under the wings of these people but the ‘extra edge’ or compassion can only come through a mother. 

With the growing technology and ease of communication, it is also possible to be present 24x7 remotely from your workplace or there can be work from home options. It all depends on the priority the mother sets. If her work is so crucial that it cannot take a back seat for a few years, then she can create a support system to bring up her kid. Else if there is an option to be a full time mom, it is always in the best interest of the child, but if the mom is doing it half-heartedly then there is no point being a fulltime mom. All a child needs is a happy and content mother because the child is a reflection of her and if she’s an unhappy person the child will be no good either.

Mann chahta hai

mann dur kahin jaane ko

betaab hamesha rehta hai

koi sagar ho kuch ret ho 

koi hara bhara sa khet ho

pag dandi ho koi lehrati

phoolon ki bagiya madhmaati

koi shaam suhani dhalti si

koi subha rang badalti si

in rangon mein sab ghul jayein

mann k sare dukh mit jayein

hum so jayein sab bhool jahan

Koi na pukare hamein wahan 

Dreamy thoughts!

 On a lovely night by the beach, I would love to lie down on a chair listening to the waves splashing gently on the shore, feeling the breeze on my face, looking up at clear starry sky, soaking in the serene moment. All by myself, yet not alone, filled with gratitude for the bliss.

Not bothered by phone calls, messages, banal chit-chat. Away from the chaos.

Or on a rainy afternoon, off to a long drive, listening to soothing music, feeling the rain drops on my hand sticking out of the car window, soft wet breeze touching my face. Stopping by at a road side stall for a steaming cup of tea and yummy hot pakoras or maggie!

Or on a beautiful morning, beholding the splendid sun rise over a mountain, immersed in the scent of gorgeous flowers and lush meadows. Smell of freshly baked croissants, steaming hot cup of tea, sumptuous breakfast table laid to please the eyes as well as the tastebuds.  synchronous melody of a stream flowing at a distance and Birds chirping on the trees swaying nearby. 

So tranquilizing, so calm, so therapeutic!

ANGREZI MEIN KEHTE HAIN! HERE'S HOW TO TEACH ENGLISH TO YOUR CHILD AT HOME.

Many parents these days are distressed by their kid’s poor English speaking skills. English being the global language has become an essential skill to have. Many moms are hoping to find a magic wand that will hone their kid’s skill overnight. But there are no shortcuts. It requires consistent efforts and heaps of patience. The good news is that it is not impossible to master this language; in fact, it is easier to learn English than many other Indian or international languages.

Starting early will help the kid to master the language better but there is no reason to fret if the kid isn’t catching up. Every child is unique and has his/her own pace of learning and grasping. If the mom is fluent in English, it serves as an advantage as the kid learns the most from the mother. It does help if moms equip themselves better to help the child learn faster. Moreover, a favorable environment at home plays a vital role. So, here’s a guide to help the parents struggling with this issue.

·         Introduce English to your child

Begin by introducing English words to your child. As we all know, there are small hardboard books available in market which have pictures and names of birds, animals, body parts, colors, shapes etc. Buy them and let your child look at them on a daily basis. Read these out to your child and let them repeat after you. When they hear one word at a time it helps them connect it to the picture.

You need not start conversing fully in English language from day one. First let the child get acquainted to English words used in daily conversations. For example: Come, go, drink, sit, eat, stand, chew, sip, turn around, run, jump, here, there, like, want, do, etc. Mix these words with the language you speak at home. Also, try to put up some charts or printouts around the house listing the basic English words, simple conversations and courtesies.   

·         Translate:

Talk to your kid in Hindi or whichever language you speak at home but repeat the conversation in English.

For example some regularly used sentences:

 idhar aao – come here,

ye kha lo – eat this,

darwaza band kar do - close the door

ye pasand aya – you like it?

Ye chahiye – you want it?

·         Talk in Hinglish (Mix Hindi-English):

While talking in Hindi, replace the names of simple commodities/things in English, like body parts, fruits, vegetables, animals, furniture, etc.

For example:

Pani – water, Khana – food, dudh-milk, kapde – clothes, bal – hair, haath – hand, pair -leg

Mix these words in daily conversations like:

water drink kar lo

clothes pehen lo

hand idhar karo

jump karo

mamma cook kar rahi hain

papa rest kar rahe hain

is doll se play karo

·         Start with very basic and small sentences.

Eg: I do, I want, I like, give me, take it, open it, close it, etc.

Remember when they are able to say two/three word sentences like the ones mentioned above, it boosts their confidence and makes them more prepared to soak in more information. So, take tiny rewarding steps at a time. Build it up slowly.

 

·         Teach them basic conversation, question-answers and courtesies.

Thank you. You are welcome

I am sorry. My bad.

Good Morning, Good Evening, Good Night

I like this. I want this.

What is your name? My name is ------

How are you? I am fine, thank you

How old are you? I am three.

Where do you live? I live here.

Can I take it? Yes, you can

May I have water, biscuits, chocolate, etc.? Yes, you may.

Please refer to the charts provided at the end of this article. You may put them on the walls of the kids’ room or the fridge or any place where they can observe them easily several times a day.

 

·         Role play: 

      Do role play exercises with your kid at home. Play doctor, teacher, shopkeeper, etc. and make a set of simple dialogues. Show the child how to talk while playing the character of a doctor or patient and then ask them to enact. This makes it easier for the kid to learn by applying. It also develops their interest in English along with the game.

Example: 

Let’s play doctor-doctor!

So the conversation will be like :

What is your name? My name is ----

What happened to you? My tummy hurts! 

I will do your checkup. But I am afraid.

It will be fine, don’t worry. OK

I will give you medicine. OK 

Let’s play Shopkeeper:

 I want to buy a packet of biscuit.

Sure, Here you go. Please pay 10 Rs.

These are just examples. You know what will be better for your kid as per his/her interest. Some may like to play avengers; some may like to play Elsa or Ana from Frozen. Improvise; find out ways to engage your child in a conversation in English in a fun way! You may even record videos of them enacting these characters, it will boost their confidence.

·         Audio-Visuals

Audio Visuals strongly influence the learning and development of children. Let the child watch educative programs in English language on TV or YouTube under your supervision. If you cannot sit with them then let them watch it while you go about your chores and then ask them questions regarding what they saw and what were the names of the characters, what were these characters doing etc. Beware not to let the kids switch channels or select programs/videos to watch on their own, as there are many predators waiting out there to expose your child with filth. So please let there be strict supervision when they are accessing videos online. You may want to apply child lock and YouTube kids etc. to be safer.

Here are a few recommended programs which will help your kid to learn English:

For younger kids up to 5 years of age

– Coco melon, little baby bum, story bots, ChuChu TV, Dora and Diego, Mickey Mouse clubhouse, Doc Mcstuffins, etc.

For kids up to 6-10 years

– Princess Sophia, Jake and the Never Land Pirates, Handy Many, Seven and Me, Richie Rich, The inbestigators, Odd Squad, etc.

·         Bedtime Reading Habit

Make sure you develop your child’s interest in bedtime reading. Make it a ritual starting at the age of two. Buy some nice colorful story books which are age appropriate and let your kid develop a relationship with books and reading.

 For beginners, you may buy big illustrative books to make it easier to read and understand. They introduce the concept of print and help the kids understand that the book is read from left to right and from top to bottom, how to open the book, which is the front side, which one is back.  

Some kids get hooked right away whereas some don’t find books interesting enough. Try to find out what topic interests them more, they need not be typical story books. If your child is more interested in cars, space, comics, etc. then buy those kinds of books. These days there are activity based or interactive reading books as well. 

Take them shopping with you, let them choose their own favorites. Go to interesting bookstores like Crossword, OM bookshop, etc. Buy what suits your child’s temperament. 

Keep trying and have the reading session religiously every night. Make it a habit and eventually they will start liking it.

·         Appreciate, applaud and support

Remember, each child has his/her own pace of learning. So, be patient in your child’s journey and keep the appreciation and applause coming consistently. Your support and belief in your kids will work wonders in them.

Images source: Pinterest

A Poem after a long time!!

Salam,

Here I am on the first day of a brand new year with a few insights on our life and purpose....our relationship with the Almighty and the key to meaningful living - Zikr (remembering Allah), Shukr (gratitude) and Sabr (patience)!

Jo nahi mila hai uska gila, Jo hua ata vo bhula dia
Na milna bhi hikmat Rabb ki hai, sab bhed usko hai pata
Hai patay ki baat suno zara, Kabhi gaur ispe kia karo

Rahi fitrat teri ae banda e khuda, Kiye gham mein to sajde sada
Jab rahaton ki chali hawa, Tunay Rabb ko khud se juda kia
Khushiyon bhare lamhaat mein, Kabhi yaad Rabb ko kia karo

Jab se hai hosh ye tab se hain, Kitni shikayatein sab se hain
Ruthay huay qismat se hain, Beparwah har ne'mat se hain
Ehsan Rabb ne jo hain kiye, Kabhi shukr unka kia karo

Jab jab kisi ko hai kuch dia, Rahi arzoo k milay sila
Lekin khuda ne jo ki ata, uska sila kya tu de saka?
Vo tera imtihan hai le raha, Kabhi sabr bhi to kia karo

Mili saparasti jinse tujhe, Mamta mili...mili rahatein
Jinki qadr na kar saka zehan, Maa baap bhai aur behan
In begaraz se rishton ka, Kabhi haq ada bhi kia karo

Some word meanings:
hikmat - wisdom
bhed - secret
gaur - ponder
lamhaat - moments
ne'mat - blessing
qadr - value, appreciate
begaraz - selfless

PS: Writing after a long long time, so please excuse the lack of rhythm and rhyme! :-)

House hunting nightmares!!

Heard recently of Misbah Quadri's ordeal in mumbai. How she was denied a place to live just because she is a muslim.

I have been through this unpleasant experience quite a few times....have lived through the gujarat riots.....post which my entire family (uprooted) relocated elsewhere.....it is indeed very sad to be denied basic rights on the basis of ur religion/faith....yes people do get victimised/ discriminated because of their faith but this statement does not hold true most of the time....

In 2006, my husband and I shifted to gurgaon.....newlyweds in search of our first humble abode....filled with excitement to start our lives together...but unfortunately the excitement soon fizzed out and disappointment took its place. Our dream of a decent house came down shattering when we were rudely denied house on rent from almost everywhere as we were muslims.....it was very disheartening.

Just about when we had lost all hopes...we met Mr. Kaul...a retired professor...who finally agreed to rent his beautiful 2bhk in one of the best localities in gurgaon...sushant lok....his decision changed our perception and cured us of the predicament we had been suffering from.....i can never forget what he told us that day....he shared with us that he had been approached by a 'hindu' couple earlier in the day who were ready to pay a good rent for his property but he took the decision in our favor because did not want a promising young couple to start their new life together with such bitterness and that he wanted to restore our faith in people....and spread the goodwill. Our respect for him grew manifold when we found out later that he was a kashmiri pandit forced to leave his homeland and settle in delhi....he had already paid a price for being in minority in kashmir.....he could have very well taken his sweet revenge of sort by denying us...but instead he chose to be the better human being that he was.....we shall always be grateful for his kind gesture.

In life, we meet all sorts of people....good, bad, evil.......there may be demons at large but remember there are angels too.....who restore your faith in humanity.